When I get advice, solicited or otherwise, I usually have to grow up into it. At the time it often seems irrelevant or pointless and it isn't till much later I see the wisdom in what people were trying to tell me. As I have been consumed with this job decision (keeping in mind I haven't been offered it, I'm just arrogant enough to assume I'm the best candidate) it triggered the memory of last time I had to make a decision about a job that would mean big changes. Michele was pregnant with Molly and I had interviewed with Aquila in Canon City. Everything went well, they offered me the job, and I accepted. I came home to find Michele distraught and panicked about the thought of moving, even though it was really what she wanted to do. Bewildered, I happened to run into Papa and asked him what he thought of the whole situation. Who better to ask than Papa? To me he was the embodiment of wisdom, the old Sage metaphorically perched upon his high mountain perceiving and understanding. If there was anyone in the world that would know what to say, it would be him. One's heart is "deceitfully wicked above all things" and the world offers nothing but tasty things that go down easy and rot you from the inside. Not so with Grandpa, 90 years of experience and struggle had surely formed in him a wellspring of Godly, practical advice that would make my life easier. I was ready...I was ready for a sure-fire, black and white answer. No guessing, no fussing, no riddles. Should I take the job, should I turn it down? Do we move, do we stay? What do I do?
I remember Grandpa's answer like it was yesterday. It was wholly unsatisfying. I didn't know how to respond, so I made small talk. This was wisdom? This was my answer? He told me, "Well, in 40 years you'll look back and think, 'I did the right thing.'" I was so disappointed. Did he hear my question? I wanted a "yes" or "no" answer. I didn't want an answer I didn't understand. Not only did I not understand, I felt like he had ignored me. I was confused and borderline hurt. I could have got an answer that didn't make sense from anywhere, and I had expected more from Papa.
Here we are nine years later. This job decision (if it's offered, and I'm hoping they pick someone else, but feel like they'll pick me) will mean big changes. Travel for me and more Single-Mom parenting for Michele. At least for awhile. I wish I could talk to Grandpa now. I wish I could tell him I understand...that I get it now. "Yes" and "no" don't matter, the job doesn't matter, my reservations and fears don't matter, not really. God matters. Papa's answer assumed an understanding and confidence in the sufficiency and Majesty of God. The little things I spend so much time focusing on are just that, they are little things. Whatever we do, whether we stay or go, take the job or decline the job, the divine momentum of His plan ensures that 40 years later I will look back and think, "I did the right thing."
